NaNoWriMo: Day 3

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Short, sweet, and to the point. Today went NOTHING like I had planned.

My attention span was no where to be found. My computer screen was annoying me. I was annoying me. After three or four hours of nonsense I barely had 300 words written.

My husband unstuck me from my computer chair, we took a walk, had tacos from a local taco stand, watched 13 Going On 30, hung out, ate Chinese, watched Hitch… Got him ready for his work trip and finally by 10pm I was back at my desk.

It was a struggle and I didn’t even make it to 1,500 words today; however, my grand total for the first three days of NaNoWriMo gave me a little bit more to celebrate.

Word Count as of November 3, 2014: 10,011 words!

Let’s happy dance together for the next ten seconds, because after that: I am going to bed!

Tomorrow is a new day. I am ready for anything.

NaNoWriMo: Day 2

nanoDay 2 of NaNo started with me waking up by 7:30 in the morning. I am usually a night person and enjoy sleeping in; however, my story wouldn’t allow it. I struggle with fully waking. I checked in with my SNHU NaNo group, liked posts, encouraged people, anything to help wake me up.

I only needed a couple hundred words to be fully caught up for the day, but even I know that I want to go beyond that. My goal is 6500 words. Let’s see where that takes me…

I spent an hour chatting with friends online, eating breakfast, and waking up before I was fully ready to start writing. I turned my new Taylor Swift album on 1989 and began to create magic. Slowly. Yup, it was just one of those mornings that sentences were difficult to write. I pushed through it though!

I realized I didn’t like how my second chapter was going and made a mental note that I needed to do something when this is all over to really work it over, smooth it out, something. But the editing and changing will not begin until December.

I took a facebook quiz instead of writing. I thought about cleaning instead of writing. I looked over at my husband who was still sleeping… I wanted to go back to bed instead of writing. And the list goes on. STOP SCROLLING THROUGH FACEBOOK!

Made lunch at 10:30 in the morning. My internal clock is off a little bit today. Just over 1500 words written. The thought of writing 2,000 more is feeling a bit daunting. Too much time just staring into space. I’m worried about being this unfocused this early in the game. I will not let DOUBT deter me.

Nearly noon and about to head into some word sprints with my friend Edi. Drinking coffee and having a great day so far! No one would have guessed I was struggling this morning. It doesn’t matter how you start, it’s how you finish.

I’ll edit in my total words written for the day tonight when I have finished writing.

UPDATE: I wrote 5,295 words today bring my grand total to: 8,520!

National Novel Writing Month: Day 1

nanowrimo-logoI just want to take a moment to thank Jay for holding down the fort here @nerdtotheword while I took some personal time off. I am happy to be back and raring to go with all sorts of new projects. The one I will be sharing about for the rest of November is National Novel Writing Month, otherwise referred to as: NaNoWriMo. This is my FIRST year participating in this event!

If you haven’t heard of NaNo yet, let me give you a brief summary. The concept is pretty simple, you have 30 days (November 1-30) to write a 50,000 word novel. The website: nanowrimo.org has a ton of resources, statistics, and encouragements to get you and keep you motivated throughout the month. You can connect to other writers in your region and they have events call “write-ins” where you meet and just write together, taking a normally solo activity and bring in a social aspect to it. How cool right?

Right now I am working with a NaNo team online from the University I graduated from last year (SNHU). We spent half our day encouraging each other, placing bets on how much coffee one of our friends can consume in a single day. I’m pretty sure she could rival Lorelai Gilmore from Gilmore Girls…. and that is saying something. We had a few “Word Wars” which is basically taking 10, 15, 20, 30 minute sessions to write as much as we can and then compare how we did. I was only able to participate in the 10 minute one (my first one). I wrote 194 words. There is so much room to grow.

In order to meet the 50,000 word requirement you have write an average of 1667 words a day. I’ve done writing challenges in the past with goals of 10,000 words in a month. Nothing of this caliber. It was time to challenge myself.

Let’s go back to Halloween: I had 13 chapter’s outlined and was barely halfway to my goal and I was suffering writers block. I was frustrated and I didn’t know what to do. I grabbed my notebook around 6pm, took it out to the living room away from my computer (let’s be honest, it was to get me off Facebook). I wrote for 3.5 hours and before I knew it, I had my entire novel outlined with 3 hours until NaNo was to begin in my region! I had my snacks and drinks set up to start exactly at midnight. I was prepared and I was on track. As you can bet, I was feeling pretty awesome.

At 11:57pm my husband wanted to watch a show. He got an unnecessary grumpy side of me, but I love spending time with him so much so we watched an episode of “Hostages” on Netflix. By the time it was over, my cold medicine had fully kicked in, so instead of writing I ended up just going to bed. I was mad at myself and disappointed. My dreams reflected my mood.

I was fully awake by 9:30am and decided to put the night before behind me. It was still day one and I could do this. I wrote for nearly two hours and had written a little more than 2100 words. I had already exceeded the daily goal, and I was happy; however, I am admitted overachiever. I was so excited that I wanted to write more. Unfortunately, I still had real life responsibilities to take care of.

I didn’t get back home until after 4pm. What do I do as soon as I get home? Watch TV of course. I got another hour in this past evening and I finished my NaNo write for day one at 3,225 words! I celebrated by watching another episode with my husband and then we watched Jerry MaGuire. I am here now talking to you when I should either be sleeping or working on my NaNo project.

Until tomorrow.

~Kay

 

Pain

It’s been more than a month since I’ve written anything on this blog. My heart has been hurting for days and I know that I am not fully healed. I guess an explanation is necessary.

Tuesday, September 9th 2014: approximately 2:00pm.
It was any other normal day. Excited about seeing my parents on the 16th, getting my costume ready for Rose City Comic Con. I received a call from my sister in Oregon telling me my father had a heart attack. She didn’t know all that was going on but wanted me to call my husband and tell him. All she knew was he was on the way to the hospital.

My heart sank. I couldn’t believe it. It didn’t sound real to me.

I didn’t want to call my husband. What I wanted was to find out about my dad so I called my mom. As I was on the phone with her she told me they were trying to revive him. I was sick to my stomach. 3,000 miles away and I couldn’t hold my mom or be with my dad. The Chaplain at the hospital got on the phone to try and calm me down. I don’t remember how I was reacting but I do remember the chaplain asking me what she could do for me or what I wanted to do. I just told her I wanted to pray!

I asked God to save my father. Just keep him alive. But if it was his time to go, to take him home.

Just after I prayed my mom got back on the phone with me and told him he was gone.

My world seemed to come crashing down around me. I fell to the hard wood floor, my whole body convulsing from pain. Wailing at decibels that neighbors from 5 houses down the road could hear, I curled in a ball. I heard a car door from the street below and had a feeling it could be my husband. When i called him he said he was already there. I told him to get upstairs fast as I continued to wail.

I never thought, in my entire life, that I could every weep so loudly or that my body could feel that much pain. As my husband walked through the door I struggled to get up and grabbed his arms as I fell to the ground again screaming out that my dad was gone. He held me as cried and my body fell into exhaustion.

I don’t know how long it was before I stopped crying and became a bit more lucid, however my heart still felt heavy. I was far away from my family as they were grieving. I had no one but my husband where I was. To take my mind off of all the phone calls that were coming in and the tears that were being shed, I went back to making my cos-play.

On my birthday, August 26th, my dad and mom had sent me some money. I used that to purchase the fabric for my cos-play. Working on the project in a way, kept my mind off what had happened but also reminded me that he would’ve never wanted me to drop what I was doing and not finish it. So I did.

That Thursday my husband and I flew out to Oregon to help the rest of my family and grieve with them.

That next week we cremated my father and had his ashes placed in the Willamette National Cemetery. That weekend we had a Celebration of Life Service at our church and got to share laughter, tears, and many stories I never even knew about.

About two weeks before he passed he called me just to tell me that he was proud of me. It was the most random phone call I ever received from him, but it was good. The weekend before he passed him and my mom went on a road trip around Eastern Oregon. When they got back my dad told my mom that would be their last long drive. It’s like he knew he was going to be going home soon.

It’s now been over a month but the pain has not subsided. It still hurts. I keep thinking about all the things I won’t get to experience with him. Like getting to see the look on his face when I have a baby of my own or watching me get my master’s degree. So many things that I have yet to do and he will not be there for me to share my joy with.

My father was someone that I always came to for advice. He was a strong and gruff man but with a kind and tender heart. He would cry at moments that would surprise others, but not us. I remember moments when I was a kid of me falling asleep on his chest or him teaching me how to shoot for the first time.

I was really looking forward to coming back out to Oregon and getting to spend some time with my dad. I had plans to go fishing and hunting with him again, trudging the great outdoors. Now it’s all gone. Everyone tells me it will be all okay, and though I know that, it doesn’t keep the pain from creeping up.

I do know that it will take time for me to heal. I didn’t think I’d be able to write this now, but I’ve had some tremendous help from my friends and family reminding me that this was the best way to heal. So here I am.

Pain is still there, however my heart feels lighter.

Only for Awhile

I’m writing this to say I will be off for awhile. Not sure when my heart will be willing to write about everything that has happened the past couple days, but I will be back. Writing out my feelings is usually what keeps me calm and relaxed. However, i’m just not ready yet. 

My father passed away on Tuesday of a heart attack. It was unexpected. Right now I’m just trying to keep myself busy to not think about anything. When I do, the tears seem to come in buckets. I am flying down to Oregon to be with my family. One way ticket. Not sure when I’ll be back or if I’ll be there till we are supposed to move. For now I will be there to be with my family through this rough season. 

As for now, I am just taking a small break. My mind and heart really need it. 

Thank you!

God Bless

Not Always What it Seems

Six floors of sheer relaxation came into view as we pulled into the parking lot of The Ravel Hotel in Queens, New York. It was a four hour drive with a couple pit stops along the way, and less traffic then we thought. The small front lobby, masked in white painted walls, dark floors, and alien like chrome globes that dangled from the ceiling, made me want to disco till the morning light. White squared like arm chairs invaded the small space. We checked in, only to find that out of the five floors of rooms, we were blessed with the second floor. The door of our room sat kiddy corner from the elevator, making it possible to hear the dinging of the people carrier any time someone arrived at our floor.

A hall way, no bigger than a hotel luggage cart, lead us straight into the twilight zone. We were then zipped back in time to the seventies, where orange and gray walls were met with olive green couches, square lamp shades, and mock wood laminated floors with large lumps in the hallway. The poorly built chrome framed coffee table wobbled as soon as my foot touched the side. The glass top moved from its framing, just barely staying on. The puke orange headboard against the white bed sheets ties the entire room into a 1970′s themed abode, complete with mini bar and heavy liquor.

Don’t get your hopes up, we won’t be drinking any of it. If I even have a shot of the stuff in that fridge, I will be in the hospital in less than twenty minutes. Although a mini bar is a neat thing to have in any hotel room, in a junker place like this it is not really needed. Heck, they could’ve spent their money on some art for the bare walls rather than alcohol. I mean, it would be nice to stare at some other than a blank wall.  Top it all off, we have to pay to get on to the internet.

The only good thing this room has going for it; the bed is ten times more comfortable then the last hotel we stayed in. That being said, it’s not much, but we do with what we have. At least this hotel has a restaurant.

All this to say, don’t ever trust the pictures of a hotel on the internet. They are quite deceiving. I’m not saying all hotels have this issue, cause some of them look better in person than they do in the photos. Not this place. The photos made it look like a luxurious hotel which it is a far cry from. The pictures on their website make you think it’s right next to the water, when in reality it is a block from the water. On the roof top you get a clear view (at least from the angle of the photographer). Oh, and the subway station is a half a mile away from the hotel, which means a 12 minute walk. Starting to wish we would’ve stayed at the verve, but this is what we have and we will deal.

Thankfully there are no cockroaches!

Home She Went

Around 9:30 pm last night I received a phone call from my mom. I actually didn’t know my phone was ringing, so by the time I got to it she had hung up. I stopped for a second and knew it was time.

A little back story:
About a week before we left for Disneyland my mother and father told me that my Aunt June (my mom’s sister) was going to be taken off of Dialysis. I knew she wasn’t doing well, I just wasn’t sure all of the details. The doctors had said she would probably only last 10 days. Through the summer I would wait to hear from my mom and think that she would tell me Aunt June had passed, but no word. Midway through I thought, maybe she will be able to hold out until we move to Oregon so I can see her one last time. So I stopped expecting the call. 

Then the phone call last night happened. I just knew what the conversation was going to be. I called my mom back and as she picked up the phone I could her the stammer in her voice as she said Hi. She tried to keep the beginning of the conversation light by asking how I was and wondering what I was doing. Then she told me. Aunt June passed away. 

At first I was in shock. Not so much of the fact that she passed, but the fact that I had a feeling she did. I know God has the ability to give us those hints or feelings so I know it was Him helping me prepare my heart. Then came the tears. A trickling creek flowed down my face and onto my husbands shirt as he held me close. I was able to dry my eyes and have a conversation with my mom before letting her go.

The rest of the evening was quite dreary. I couldn’t think straight. I went to the bedroom early, laid on my bed and let the flood gates open. I believe my pillow and stuffed hippo were being drowned by my tears. My husband then came in and began to console me and let me cry while chatting about the memories I shared with her. 

This morning I made it to church (my stuffed hippo in tow). Through some great youth kids that I sat with and chatted about Doctor Who, Mt. Sinai, and anything else under the sun, I was able to push back the pain. During the worship we sang the song “It Is Well”. One of these days I will write about the story of the man who wrote that song, but for now, here are the lyrics. 

“It Is Well”
By: Horatio G. Spafford
http://library.timelesstruths.org/music/It_Is_Well_with_My_Soul/

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul

And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

 

I couldn’t help but cry during this song. So much of it spoke to her being at rest and peace residing in me. It was than that I remembered that I should be happy for her. She knew Jesus. She had accepted Him into her heart, and I believe that she resides in Heaven at this moment, at the feet of Jesus, singing to Him, with His arms stretched out toward her. No more pain, sorrow, fear, or tears. She no longer has to battle the evil fight of being Bipolar or having diabetes. She is no longer blind! I am so thankful that she does not have to suffer and I praise the Lord she is home. 

She is HOME!

I love you Aunt June! Rest well in our Fathers arms for you are Home for eternity!